Wednesday, 1 April 2026

Journey to Mumbai

10/06/2013


Up at 06:30 to catch the train at 9am and get Will’s suit on the way.  As usual when I need to be up I slept terribly.  I had laid awake for well over an hour after going to bed at about 12:30 then I had seen a guy let himself into our room (a white guy in PJ’s, in hindsight it must have been a dream) so I courageously threw back the covers screaming “What the f**K are you doing in here!!” and charged at him! He turned and ran out the room.  Will then jumped out of bed and I screamed “There was a man in here! He just ran out! Let’s get him!” Will’s about to run out the room after him and I notice he’s completely naked!  (I can just imagine him chasing an intruder shouting threateningly at him with his flaccid member swinging from side to side and his buttocks jiggilng).  Unwiling to let him wrestle with an intruder with his meat and 2 veg swinging around (as utterly hilarious it would have been inhindsight) I told him to get some pants on first.  He then questioned whether this actually happened to which I annoyingly assured him it had as I was wide awake and then he tried the door and it was locked....from the inside.  He’s still willing to chase after this guy but I start doubting myself.  I’m convinced he was in the room but can’t see how he could have got out and re-locked the door so quickly.  I conclude I must have been dreaming and go back to bed wide awake and wired and unable to sleep at all.  By the time the alarm went off I’d had no more than 2 hours sleep but at least we are going to be on the train all day and I can get some sleep.  (Just the thought of Will running out into that hallway completely b*llock naked makes me laugh out loud.  Not even a ‘lol’, an actual laugh out loud).

We picked up his suit and headed to the train station way before we needed to be there.  We drove through the centre of the city with all the modern shops where there would have been wifi and wished we’d stayed there.  In the end I’d had to text my Mum to ask her to book us a hotel in Mumbai so we had somewhere to go when we arrive. In true Mum form she needed me to send 5 expensive texts before it could be booked so I dread to think what that cost!

We only had 120 rupees in change to tip the driver but he decided to be a martyr and not accept anything.  If he hadn’t said ‘I spent 4 days with you’ I’d have thought he was just being nice but he was cutting his nose off despite his face.  It was either 120 or nothing as we didn’t have anything more and there’s no way the grumpy sod was getting 500Rs from us. 
He left 120 rupees lighter and it didn’t bother us that he didn’t take a tip, only him. I might have felt a bit guilty if he’d not refused to go to Ghost Town and had let me stop to take bloody photos when I asked him to and hadn’t tried to take us back to the hotel at 4pm every day.  But he did, so screw him. 

The train we’re getting is the biggest I’ve ever seen.  It must be 20 carriages long!  The sleeper section looks horrendous. It’s for the locals (it’s really cheap) and they’re all just sat on benches all squashed up together all still wearing their smart shirts and trousers like they all do here.  This train journey, end to end, is 21 hours long and these folks can’t even lie down! 
The station reeks of faeces, it’s stomach churning.  The toilets open straight onto the track but I’d have thought they’d ask you to not defecate in the station as it’s not cleaned but obviously now.  It’s a really sickening smell. 

We’re in 2nd Class Air Conditioned so we have beds and bedding and AC.  The only difference between this and first class is first class is booths of 4 whereas this is separated only by curtains.  It’s the same as I’d used in Thailand and that quite a nice journey and I had a good night’s sleep.
Bunks on the train

Me and Will squeezed into his bottom bunk (we didn't sleep like this)
Since we’ve been on here I’ve seen random people jumping off the train for a wee either right on the tracks or just on the grass to the side (including small children) so I’m guessing they don’t have toilets in the sleeper section.  The toilet for us (luckily has a seat) but is just a hole straight onto the track, I can’t see how it would cost a lot to give the sleeper section a couple of these to use.  The track in the station smelled like a sewer and was making me retch so someone was defecating somewhere!
Luckily they’re trapped in their sleeper section like cattle and they can’t get into our bit.  That might sound mean but when you’ve spent the last few days having people follow you, blatantly stare and take photos and show no shame you don’t feel overly confident about sleeping with them around.  I’d probably wake up to stripped naked and smeared in curry paste with them all dancing around me.  The workers on here selling food have already congregated in the booth opposite so they can brazenly stare at me with no shame whatsoever.   There’s actually a poster on the wall in regards to fines and prosecutions for things such as taking flammable items onto the train etc. and one part is about harassment of women.  There’s a 2 year jail sentence for it and it lists what classes as harassment and staring is one of them (curry paste isn’t mentioned though). You’ve got to feel for anyone with a lazy eye on these trains. 

I tried having a nap earlier but every time I drifted off I was woken up by either “chi coffee chi” from the hot drink man or “cutlets” from the food man.  Those 3 words are going to haunt my semi-conscious state for the considerable future.  When it was neither of them waking me up it was Will moving me so he was more comfortable.  In the end I just gave up trying to nap.  He on the other hand slept for about 2 hours then when I gave up he went to the top bunk and slept for another 3 hours then came back down to my bunk and drifted off again for another hour!  I honestly don’t know how one person can sleep so much!  He’ll then sleep all through the night after that too.  If I have a nap for more than an hour and wake up after 7pm I can’t sleep until after at least 1am then I’m really restless and have weird dreams normally involving people being in the room or my bed being somewhere it shouldn’t like a car park or the office.  That’s the reason I can never sleep naked as I dream my bed is somewhere public and there’s someone in bed with me and I can’t get out of bed because I’m naked.  After many restless night I committed to pyjamas.     

There’s lots of families on the train which is the only place I’ve seen husbands and wives together.  In the street the women seem to go around in groups and the men seem to hang out with other men.  The kids can all speak English from quite a young age which is impressive.  There’s a young girl on the train that keeps speaking to me, she’s probably only about 8.  She came up to me at one point and told me I was very beautiful :o)

A man walked through the carriage earlier with a holstered gun on his belt.  That wasn’t overly comforting as I thought if he decided to rob the ‘rich white folk’ they’d get my iphone, netbook, tablet, ipod and my camera leaving me with nothing.  (I lot to take on holiday with you, I know, but I am going to be away for 6 months).  I don’t know if you can get a licence for a gun here or if he had to be un-uniformed police or what but he seemed to get off the train before it left the station luckily.

The toilet got progressively more disgusting in smell and someone with a bad aim managed to empty their bowls all the way down the side of the bowl.  As it is open straight onto the track there’s no water so that didn’t shift for the duration of the trip.  Will added to it later on too, just to ensure all toilet experiences tested the gag reflex to the maximum.  

I spent most of the afternoon writing up the previous days journals and the time went quite quickly and I had just enough battery on my laptop to do so.  I settled down to try and sleep at about 11pm and went to brush my teeth.  I didn’t see anyone else (except Will) brush theirs which surprised me as these people aren’t poor and I would have thought they’d have some element of dental hygiene. 

Being up on the bunk the motion of the train was exaggerated and I was getting thrown around like a ragdoll in addition to being squashed by Will’s big backpack and my rucksack as there was nowhere for luggage to go (major design flaw).  Will had to have my suitcase at the foot of his bunk! 
I just lay in bed for hours then when I did half drift off I was having weird dreams (me? Weird dreams? Surely not.  I’ve not even had any cheese since leaving the UK!) that the train was failing to get up a hill or was careering down the other side out of control.  Luckily that was the extent of my sleep adventures, I was worried I’d go sleep walking (which is why I took the top bunk to make it harder for myself) and I’d end up falling out of the train as the doors are all left open when the train is in motion (I’ve tried leaving hotel rooms in the past so it’s not an absurd fear).  I had just got off to sleep at about 3am when the people opposite decided it was time to get up (that explains why so many people are out and about playing sport at 5am!) so they woke me up which I was ever-so grateful of.  I drifted off into a restless sleep at about 4am and then woke up 2 hours later ready for the train’s arrival. So that’s a total of 5hrs sleep in 2 nights now.  I usually struggle on less than 7 in a night!

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